How Did We Survive Our Childhood?
'Well, The Truth Is, We Failed....A Lot.'
Recently, a friend posted on her Facebook page 'How did we survive our childhood?' It was in response to another mother trying to fix a problem her middle-schooler was having. Little Susie was coming home starving because of issues she was having with the lunch lines. It's a story we've all heard hundreds of times...Parents judging each other for micromanaging their children's problems. We're all guilty of it. I know I am. I gotta tell you though, I don't feel especially guilty about it. Its not because I don't empathize, or that I want to see kids upset or hurt. But for the love of Sweet Jehovah, you aren't really helping anyone by not letting them fail. Do you know how we survived childhood in the 60's, 70's, 80's and even the early 90's? We Failed! A lot.
Before there were elitist, intellectual child rearing terms like 'Helicopter Parenting', there was the unnamed parenting style of our parents which would best be described as 'survival of the fittest.' And if we're being totally honest, we'd have to admit the overparenting of today is a direct result of the fact that some of the kids we hung out with didn't survive. You've seen the memes with the pictures of the kids all piled in the back of the pick up truck on the highway? Yeah, my parents let us do that too as kids. But let's face it, we'd still be doing it if some poor kid somewhere didn't fall out. Lawn Darts were the coolest toy around and of coarse we were unsupervised and why wouldn't we be, but again, I'd say it's a safe bet someone lost an eye along the way. So I'm not saying we go back to the free range parenting of yesteryear. But I think we may have thrown the baby-alive out with the bath water, especially in school settings.
Because we also were given the freedom to fail. And with the freedom to fail, came the opportunity to learn how to problem solve, a skill we acquired much younger than our kids do today and I think we are much better off for it. Take little Susie, for example. What would be so terrible if her mom didn't post it on Facebook? Didn't ask friends for advice? Didn't even offer to help her child? What if, and I know this may sound radical, her mom just said...Figure it out. That's it. Just...Figure it out. Would it be so terrible? Maybe she would miss lunch a few times. Maybe she would make her own lunch. Maybe she would...wait for it...figure it out. On her own. And maybe she would feel good about herself and maybe she would learn something about herself. Maybe she would ask friends for help. And maybe she would fail. And that's okay too. Because, eventually she would find a way to eat, because it's human nature and she would survive.
I can't tell you as a BOE member how many times I had a parent tell me that Ms. X needs to be fired because she was mean to Johnny. 'Oh I've heard she's a good teacher, but she told Johnny his essay was mundane (or something similarly derogatory). Can you believe she would crush his dreams like that? Can't you do something about it?' Well, first, no. That's not what the BOE does. But more importantly, did it ever occur to you that little Johnny may not be the beacon of awesomeness you think he is? Or maybe he does have some modicum of talent and the teacher was merely trying to help him improve upon it? Whatever...Who has the time or inclination to care?
But again, more importantly, let's for argument's sake assume Mrs. X is just the worst. The meanest. She really has it in for little Johnny. Isn't part of growing up learning how to deal with difficult people? On your own? Difficult people are everywhere. Believe me. I know. Hell, I can be one of them at times. And Mommy and Daddy won't always be there to make everything better. Now, before you crucify me, I'm not talking about extreme situations like physical abuse or a child with special circumstances. Certainly, there are exceptions to be made, but for the most part, our children are far more capable than we are giving them credit for in these situations.
I'm limiting these examples to school for the sake of brevity, but I have started making a conscious effort to allow my children more freedoms to make mistakes in every aspect of their lives. Feel free to judge me. I'm okay with it. They will mess up. I'm ok with that too. I think they will be better people for it. I know they will have more interesting childhood memories because of it. Seriously, I will not have their only childhood memories be of watching morons on YouTube eat detergent or get run over by a car trying to find out if Kiki loved them.
I wish we'd all collectively take a step back from micromanaging our children's lives, at least in schools. Middletown Schools really are the safest place to fail. I know our teachers would welcome the chance to let your child learn responsibility and leadership and problem solving skills. Trust them. And if you don't trust them, trust your child and trust yourself. Trust that you are giving them the skills to survive failure, to overcome failure, and ultimately to succeed. I'm pretty sure it's how we survived our childhood.
Please share and help Keep Middletown Informed.
'Well, The Truth Is, We Failed....A Lot.'
Recently, a friend posted on her Facebook page 'How did we survive our childhood?' It was in response to another mother trying to fix a problem her middle-schooler was having. Little Susie was coming home starving because of issues she was having with the lunch lines. It's a story we've all heard hundreds of times...Parents judging each other for micromanaging their children's problems. We're all guilty of it. I know I am. I gotta tell you though, I don't feel especially guilty about it. Its not because I don't empathize, or that I want to see kids upset or hurt. But for the love of Sweet Jehovah, you aren't really helping anyone by not letting them fail. Do you know how we survived childhood in the 60's, 70's, 80's and even the early 90's? We Failed! A lot.
Before there were elitist, intellectual child rearing terms like 'Helicopter Parenting', there was the unnamed parenting style of our parents which would best be described as 'survival of the fittest.' And if we're being totally honest, we'd have to admit the overparenting of today is a direct result of the fact that some of the kids we hung out with didn't survive. You've seen the memes with the pictures of the kids all piled in the back of the pick up truck on the highway? Yeah, my parents let us do that too as kids. But let's face it, we'd still be doing it if some poor kid somewhere didn't fall out. Lawn Darts were the coolest toy around and of coarse we were unsupervised and why wouldn't we be, but again, I'd say it's a safe bet someone lost an eye along the way. So I'm not saying we go back to the free range parenting of yesteryear. But I think we may have thrown the baby-alive out with the bath water, especially in school settings.
Because we also were given the freedom to fail. And with the freedom to fail, came the opportunity to learn how to problem solve, a skill we acquired much younger than our kids do today and I think we are much better off for it. Take little Susie, for example. What would be so terrible if her mom didn't post it on Facebook? Didn't ask friends for advice? Didn't even offer to help her child? What if, and I know this may sound radical, her mom just said...Figure it out. That's it. Just...Figure it out. Would it be so terrible? Maybe she would miss lunch a few times. Maybe she would make her own lunch. Maybe she would...wait for it...figure it out. On her own. And maybe she would feel good about herself and maybe she would learn something about herself. Maybe she would ask friends for help. And maybe she would fail. And that's okay too. Because, eventually she would find a way to eat, because it's human nature and she would survive.
I can't tell you as a BOE member how many times I had a parent tell me that Ms. X needs to be fired because she was mean to Johnny. 'Oh I've heard she's a good teacher, but she told Johnny his essay was mundane (or something similarly derogatory). Can you believe she would crush his dreams like that? Can't you do something about it?' Well, first, no. That's not what the BOE does. But more importantly, did it ever occur to you that little Johnny may not be the beacon of awesomeness you think he is? Or maybe he does have some modicum of talent and the teacher was merely trying to help him improve upon it? Whatever...Who has the time or inclination to care?
But again, more importantly, let's for argument's sake assume Mrs. X is just the worst. The meanest. She really has it in for little Johnny. Isn't part of growing up learning how to deal with difficult people? On your own? Difficult people are everywhere. Believe me. I know. Hell, I can be one of them at times. And Mommy and Daddy won't always be there to make everything better. Now, before you crucify me, I'm not talking about extreme situations like physical abuse or a child with special circumstances. Certainly, there are exceptions to be made, but for the most part, our children are far more capable than we are giving them credit for in these situations.
I'm limiting these examples to school for the sake of brevity, but I have started making a conscious effort to allow my children more freedoms to make mistakes in every aspect of their lives. Feel free to judge me. I'm okay with it. They will mess up. I'm ok with that too. I think they will be better people for it. I know they will have more interesting childhood memories because of it. Seriously, I will not have their only childhood memories be of watching morons on YouTube eat detergent or get run over by a car trying to find out if Kiki loved them.
I wish we'd all collectively take a step back from micromanaging our children's lives, at least in schools. Middletown Schools really are the safest place to fail. I know our teachers would welcome the chance to let your child learn responsibility and leadership and problem solving skills. Trust them. And if you don't trust them, trust your child and trust yourself. Trust that you are giving them the skills to survive failure, to overcome failure, and ultimately to succeed. I'm pretty sure it's how we survived our childhood.
Please share and help Keep Middletown Informed.
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